You’ve probably witnessed a mother trying to hurry her toddler along with a gentle sense of urgency. “Come on now Joe. Quickly.” she says.

The toddler immediately senses what’s important to his mum, but not necessarily to him and begins to walk more slowly. Mum’s urgency escalates and eventually her coaxing turns into a desperate, angry directive. “MOVE IT!” she yells.

The best outcomes happen when the goals of both parties are aligned. Persuasion doesn’t have to be all push and pull. We get to where we want to go faster by pulling in the same direction, so it pays to understand where and how fast the people you’re trying to influence want to go.

Image by Melanie.